I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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