i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
