saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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