hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
