I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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