I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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