God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love having hate sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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