Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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