I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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