STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
