once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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