I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
foreskin is a definite game changer
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
