Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
