Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
