I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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