MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize