Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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