This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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