i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
