Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
