So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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