but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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