Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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