So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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