gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Alive.
So much puke
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
