You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
