I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
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i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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