Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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