He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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