I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
