I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
