I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Holy shit dude........stairs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
