please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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