sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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