I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
