they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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