We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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