did you get engaged???
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
...so i touched it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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