I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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