Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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