I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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