You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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