Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
