where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
