Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
