Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
