My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
