i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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