we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
