oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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