so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
