My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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