I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
