Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
