READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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