did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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