i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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