Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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