maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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